Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta): A Practice of Compassion, Softening, and an Open Heart
Loving-kindness meditation, also known as metta, is a traditional meditation practice rooted in Buddhist teachings. The word metta comes from the Pali language and translates to something close to: loving goodwill, friendliness, or unconditional kindness
It is a practice designed to cultivate a deeper sense of:
Compassion
Connection
Softness
Openness
Toward ourselves, toward others, and toward life itself.
What Metta Is (and What It Isn’t)
Metta is often misunderstood as a practice where you try to feel love. But that’s not actually the goal. Metta is not about forcing an emotional state. It is about practicing the intention of kindness.
Some days, the words may feel warm and genuine. Other days, they may feel distant, neutral, or even uncomfortable. Both are part of the practice.
You are not doing it wrong if you don’t feel anything. The practice is not about what you feel. It is about what you are willing to offer.
The Core Practice
At the center of loving-kindness meditation are a set of simple phrases. In class, we used:
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I be safe
May I be loved
These phrases are repeated slowly, often in rhythm with the breath. They are not affirmations of what is already true. They are offerings.
You are offering kindness to yourself. Planting seeds. And just like anything you plant, it takes time, repetition, and care for those seeds to grow.
Why We Begin With Ourselves
One of the most important aspects of metta is that it begins with you. This can feel unfamiliar. Many of us are used to offering care, love, and understanding outward, while being far more critical or withholding inward.
But this practice gently teaches:
The way we relate to ourselves shapes the way we relate to everything else.
If we struggle to offer ourselves kindness, it becomes difficult to offer it fully to others.
So we begin with:
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I be safe
May I be loved
And we repeat it. Again and again. Not because we didn’t hear it the first time.
But because repetition allows the body to begin to receive what the mind is offering.
Expanding the Circle
As the practice deepens, we begin to extend these phrases outward.
Traditionally, the meditation expands in stages:
• Yourself
• Someone you love
• Someone neutral
• Someone you find difficult
• All beings everywhere
This gradual expansion mirrors the natural movement of the heart.
From self
To others
To the collective
It reminds us that love is not something we run out of. It is something we practice accessing.
What You Might Experience
Metta can feel different every time you practice it. You might notice:
Warmth
Resistance
Emotion
Numbness
Or nothing at all
All of these experiences are valid. There is no correct feeling to achieve. The practice is not about reaching a certain emotional state. It is about continuing to show up with intention. Giving to yourself what you know is good + helpful.
A Personal Note
I first discovered loving-kindness meditation while practicing yoga at a studio in Northern California. At the time, it felt a little unfamiliar to me.
Almost too simple. But something about it stayed.
That was in 2017, and I’ve returned to this practice again and again ever since. Over the years, it has become something I use not just in meditation, but in everyday life. There have been moments when I’m not feeling well, not feeling happy, not feeling safe, or especially not feeling loved by myself.
And in those moments, I return to these words. Sometimes I’ll say them quietly in the shower. Almost like a reset. A way of gently retraining my mind and shifting my energy toward how I want to feel as I move into the day. Other times, when I am feeling good, I’ll even sing them to myself. Adding a bit of melody.
Letting the feeling expand instead of rushing past it. It’s become a practice I can meet myself in, no matter where I am. And no matter what I’m feeling.
May I be happy • May I be healthy • May I be safe • May I be loved
Metta and the Heart
This practice connects deeply to the heart. Not just as an idea, but as something we can actively cultivate.
Metta gives us a way to practice:
Compassion
Forgiveness
Kindness
Connection
Not just when it comes naturally. But especially when it doesn’t.
Bringing Metta Into Daily Life
This practice doesn’t have to stay on the mat or in meditation.
You can return to it anytime:
When you wake up
When you feel overwhelmed
When you are struggling with yourself
When you are struggling with someone else
You can repeat the phrases quietly, internally, at your own pace.
Over time, they become something you carry with you.
A way of meeting life.
A Simple Practice to Try
If you’d like to begin or deepen this practice, try this:
Sit comfortably.
Close your eyes.
Bring your awareness to your heart.
And slowly repeat:
May I be happy • May I be healthy • May I be safe • May I be loved
Repeat the phrases several times.
Let them land where they land.
There is no need to force a feeling.
Just practice offering.
Closing Reflection
Loving-kindness meditation reminds us that kindness is not something we wait to feel. It is something we choose to practice. Again and again.
And over time, that practice begins to shape the way we experience ourselves, others, and the world around us.